Tuesday, January 6, 2009
I kept getting the feeling that we weren’t finished with foster care. I couldn’t let it go for some reason. I wanted to be finished with it and just focus on my own family. I started getting the feeling that someone was missing. I was still certified to adopt. We weren’t taking placements but I was still getting calls. It’s a hard thing to let go when you know that your home is so much better than where most of these kids come from. I still to this day want to help them. Whenever I hear about a child that has been mistreated or needs a home I wish I could find a way to help them.
My feelings became so strong that I asked Brian to give me a blessing. I wanted to do what the Lord wanted me to do and I was afraid my own feelings would get in the way. In the blessing it said that there would come a time when every member of our family would know what the right decision was. At the time I thought that was kind of a weird thing to say, but later I understood.
I was holding my sisters new baby boy Thanksgiving weekend and felt that if I got a call, to take a baby that I would. As soon as I got home there were two calls waiting for me about some babies that needed homes. They wanted me to take the one that had the most medical problems. I felt that I shouldn’t take him because he needed too much care and I didn’t want it to take away from my own family. Braden was only 18 months old at the time. I was thankful I felt that way later because I wouldn’t have gotten Logan. I would have had the baby who needed so much more care who ended up going home to his birth family shortly after.
A friend of my sister who also knew me because we were both foster parents called her about a baby she had in care that needed a home. As soon as I heard about him I think I knew he was mine. Six was such a big number to me at the time. I wasn’t sure if I could do it. I had such mixed emotions and like I said Braden was only 18 months and a very active boy.
CPS kept calling different families trying to find Logan a home and they all said no for one reason or other. They all kept telling them to call me. One friend told me that she held him, fed, and changed his diaper. She knew that he didn’t belong to her so told them no. I couldn’t believe it. Usually they don’t have such a hard time finding a home for a baby!
Right before Logan was two weeks old I got a call from the same case worker that helped with Kadee’s case. She asked if I was still certified. After I told her that I was she told me about Logan. I knew it was the same baby that my sister told me about. I knew he must be meant to be mine but now I had to convince my husband. He wasn’t sure so we decided to pray about it.
When Brian and I talked about what his answer was I was surprised to find out that his answer was the same words that had come to my mind when I prayed. “Is it to much for me to ask of you, to take care of one of My children?”
After that I couldn’t wait to get him here. What a sweet baby he was. I fell in love with him! He was such a good baby. I slept with him on the couch for weeks after we got him because he was so sick. He ran a temp. for about a month and still had little tremors from the drug withdrawal that he went through. We did so many tests and never found out what was really wrong with him. I think maybe it might have been the drug exposure. Today he is a healthy normal fun loving boy with the biggest smile around.