Tuesday, January 6, 2009
I always knew that I was supposed to adopt. I’m not sure why I knew that but I did. I remember being a little girl and imagining the day that I would see my baby.
We didn’t look into adoption until we knew that I wouldn’t be giving birth to anymore babies. I felt in my heart that we weren’t done so that was the push we need to go forward with it. I prayed so hard to know for sure so that my own feelings wouldn’t get in the way. That’s when I had a dream that was so powerful I couldn’t let it go.
In my dream CPS asked me if I wanted to see my baby. I was so excited and said yes. They took me to a room and handed me a baby with sandy brown hair. I felt his spirit so strong. When I woke up I knew there was a boy waiting for us to find him. This is one of the reasons we decided to adopt again after Kadee. Sometimes at night when I was pondering, my arms would ache to hold him. I couldn’t let it go. I knew we had to find him.
So we decided that we would take the next baby CPS called us with. We got a call shortly after for a baby boy. I was excited but didn’t quite feel right. A few hours later CPS called to say they found a relative to take him. About a week later they called again with another baby. I knew he was the one even though he would be just foster. I couldn’t wait to see him.
He didn’t get to our home until 12 midnight. When I saw him I felt the impression so strong that he is meant to be ours, which I was so thankful for later because we had no idea what we were in for. CPS’s main goal is to reunify with birth parents or birth family. So right away they started visits with his biological father. I hated it. I wanted to do what was right and not let my selfish desires get in the way so I prayed often.
About a month after we got him he started visits with his birth mother as well. At times I felt strong and could handle it and knew that this is what we had to do to get things where we needed them to be. At others I would fall to my knees praying that he wouldn’t have a visit that day. On those days I felt as if my heart would break. Every time I felt this Heavenly Father would bless me and the visit would be cancelled for some reason or other. I knew I was being blessed but doubt began to seep in. Most of the time, it didn’t look good for us to be able to keep him.
We had a meeting with the biological parents. It was weird meeting them for the first time. I wanted to hate them but I felt drawn to Braden’s birth mom. His birth father didn’t like us at all and told us he didn’t want us there.
His birth mom had a different opinion and told us that she was glad we were there. I really liked her. I couldn’t judge her after that. I felt Heavenly Fathers love for her. I wished that she could have her baby back but not my baby! I couldn’t imagine my life without Braden and didn’t want to. At the same time I wanted to do everything I could to help her.
Sometime after that I found out that CPS wanted to start unsupervised visits. I knew that this wouldn’t be good for Braden. His biological father had done some very bad things that he needed to work through and shouldn’t ever be around children unsupervised. I couldn’t believe that Braden’s case worker would believe that this was in his best interest. When I questioned her why, she said that Braden’s birth father had the right to prove that he could parent this child. I told her not at Braden’s expense. I was so afraid for him. I begged her not to do it but she wouldn’t budge in her decision.
After I got off the phone with her I fell on the couch and cried. I felt like all hope was lost. How could this happen? How could we keep him safe?
That’s when I finally remember who could help me. I fell to my knees and began to pray and beg my Heavenly Father not let this happen. I told Him that I wanted to do His will but I didn’t think my heart could take an unsupervised visit! I knew I would just die if they went to overnighters, which would be the next step. I wanted to do everything I could to keep Braden safe!
Brian and I decided to fast on Thursday of that week. The unsupervised visit was scheduled for Friday. I just happened to have a hair appointment on the Thursday we were fasting. At my appointment I told my hair dresser that I was a foster mom and needed an easy hairdo. He said: really I know someone who works very closely with foster kids. When I asked who, he told me that it was the CASA supervisor. I couldn’t believe my luck. I had been trying to get in touch with him. My hair dresser pulled out his phone and called him. I explained to him what was going on. He was very surprised and as soon as I walked in the door after getting my hair done he had called me back.
We talked for about an hour as I gave him all the details. He told me that he didn’t know that there was a need, in this case, to have a CASA. So after his CASA case worker quit another wasn’t assigned. He said that we did a have a Guardian ad Litem (GAL) assigned to Braden “which is an Attorney at Law” appointed for the child. The CASA walked the information down to him Wednesday night. Thursday morning he got the information and started investigating. After reviewing all the information, he kept getting, he was going too call for an emergency hearing.
CPS decided to call off the unsupervised visit! I was so thankful! The visit went from a 4 hour unsupervised to a 45 min. supervised visit. My baby was kept safe. My prayers were answered.
Shortly after this Braden’s Biological Mother called me and asked me if we would adopted him. She wanted time to think about everything and said she would call me a couple of days later. When I got off the phone I ran and grabbed Brian and told him what she had said. We were so excited we all ran and grabbed Braden for a big hug. All of us were fighting over who got to hug him next!
When his biological mother called me back she told me she had a dream that she saw Braden when he was older and he was with us! She knew she had made the right decision in behalf of him. I’m so thankful she cared enough about him to keep him safe. I believe that is why she made the choice she did.
When Braden’s biological mom said good bye my heart was breaking for her. At the same time I was so relieved that he would be staying with us. I wish I could have taken away her pain. She loved him so much that she made the best choice she could for him. Every time I look at the picture of her holding him, in her arms, on thier last visit together it brings tears to my eyes. I will always hold a special place in my heart for her!