Tuesday, January 6, 2009


When it comes to adoption, Brian and I, have three miracles that have taken place, and they are… Kadee, Braden, and Logan! Of course we have lots more miracles, but the ones I want to share here are all about them.
We have six kids, three I gave birth to, and three we were blessed to adopt.

The main reason I wrote their stories down is because, I want Kadee, Braden, and Logan to be able to hear and see there stories of how they came to be with us.

I also wanted to talk a little bit about the little baby that we didn’t get to keep!
I hope by reading this you will see how truly blessed we are and were through it all.

Heavenly Father has a plan and His plan was for Kadee, Braden, and Logan to stay and be sealed to us for time and all eternity.

It's best to read these stories in order, but you don't have too. Click on the their names on the side of this blog to read the next story, but first sit back, put your feet up and read the story on this page about little adorable Raymundo!


Raymundo’s Story

We didn’t get to keep little Raymundo, but he was with us until he was nine months old. The day we picked him up from the hospital he weighed only 5lbs. He was born three months early and had already had two surgeries before we picked him up.

I remember the call. I was so excited. A baby and he needed me. I wanted him so badly and couldn’t wait to see him.
I heard a whispering in my heart and knew that he wasn’t mine to keep. After I held him though, I didn’t want to believe it. How could I? He was so small and helpless and just perfect.

The social worker asked if we could drive to Mesa and pick him up at the hospital where we would learn how to care for him. I remember the first time I saw him. He was so small. I couldn’t wait to hold him. At the same time I was so afraid that I wouldn’t be able to give him the care he needed. He was put on a bottle, just the day before we picked him up. He had a feeding tube in before that. He struggled learning how to eat. He fought me the whole time I tried to feed him. Then he would throw up and finally feel well enough to eat. The nurses had him on an every four hour four ounce feeding schedule. He was so tiny. How could he go that long in between eating? After we got him home I had to change his eating schedule to an ounce an hour. It seemed to work better for him and he could keep more of it down.

As he got bigger and healthier he became the sweetest happiest baby. He always had the biggest smile for everyone. I knew in my heart that he wouldn’t stay but I couldn’t stand the thought of letting my beautiful baby go. I felt like my heart was breaking in half. I couldn’t think about it. I had to just enjoy the time I did have with him.

CPS decided to have a Family Group Decision Making meeting. This is a meeting where they invite all members of the biological family that they can find. Together they decide what would happen to little Raymundo. After hours and hours of meeting they finally came up with a plan. Raymundo’s great uncle and girlfriend would be taking him to raise. I met them after the meeting and really liked and hated them at the same time. Hated because I felt they would be taking my baby away from me. After all that time, to him, I was his mommy. Over the next month we met with them often so they could take Raymundo and spend time with him and get to know each other. I was so praying that they would change their minds.

The day finally arrived. I didn’t know how I could do it. I couldn’t make my arms give him away. I sat in a chair holding him close and crying and praying at the same time that some how I would be able to make it through this. At that moment I felt literal angels crying for and with me. It began to rain. Not only rain but pour. Sounds weird but, I felt such comfort in the rain that day.

My mom and sister Tami came over to say good bye and be a support for me. When they came to get him he was sleeping. She (his uncle’s girl friend) had to take him from me because I couldn’t let him go. I wanted to run and hide but my sister was right there to grab me and hold me as I thought I could just collapse on the floor. She held me up and offered her support to me. My mom was next to hug onto both of us as we all cried together.

That was truly one of the hardest things I have ever had to do, but over the next few months I felt so close to heaven. I felt the loving support from my Father in heaven in the way of Him sending someone special to help just when I felt I couldn’t go on. I was never alone. Angels were always near.

I don’t know why, but I do know that this is part of God’s plan. His new parents have sent me pictures and have let me see him. I feel so blessed.

10 Things A Birthmother Wants You to Know

The following was written by Patricia Dischler, a courageous woman who placed a baby for adoption in 1985.

"There are 10 things every birthmother thinks about, wishes for, and hopes for when placing their child for adoption. If you are in an open adoption, you may have heard some already, if not, they are important to know. They are:
~I did not place my child because she was “unwanted.” I wanted her so much that I continued a pregnancy filled with unanswered questions.
~I chose adoption because I loved my child. This parental love allowed me to put his needs before my own when making my choice.
~This choice affected more than just me. She has a Grandmother, a Grandfather, and Aunts and Uncles who love her as well, and she will be missed.
~I wish for the day I can look into my child’s eyes and tell him I love him one more time.
~I hope that you will teach my child about her beginnings – about where she was born and who I am.
~I hope you will teach respect to my child by showing respect for me in your discussions.
~I wish I could be there to answer my child’s questions about adoption, but I trust you to answer them truthfully as best you can.
~I will never stop thinking about my child. She will always be a part of who I am.
~I would never try to disrupt my child’s new family with you. I put too much emotion and suffering into making this choice to allow anything to disrupt it – including me.
In my eyes, you will always be my child’s Mom and Dad. And that thought brings me happiness.

My son’s mother wrote to me in her first letter:
“Children are never really ours, they are just entrusted to us for a time by God.”
As birthmothers, we take our short time with our child very seriously, and it affects us the rest of our lives. We place that final kiss on our baby’s forehead and pass them forward to your waiting arms because we know you will be taking it very seriously too."
-------Patricia Dischler-------


Kadee’s Story

After Raymundo left I felt like I couldn’t do that again, so I asked CPS to put my file on hold for awhile. I really think I just needed time to grieve. After several months, I received a prompting that I should try again. I was really scared but I knew it was the right decision. I asked CPS to take my file off of hold.

I decided to take the next child they offered me. I wasn’t really looking to adopt at that time or at least that’s what I told myself. I felt that we could help some child out that didn’t have such an easy life. It wasn’t long after that they called me with a 4 year old boy. He had had some really terrible things happen to him in his short little life. He was born in prison and was so severely drug exposed that he had seizures as a baby. He had a pretty rough life being raised by one of his relatives. He was with us for 6 months and then left for another one of his relative’s home.

The day he left was the day Kadee came. I had known about her for a few weeks. She had the same Case manager as the little 4 year old boy. So they had gotten to know me real well and knew that they liked me. They started telling me about her, and I was very interested. They showed our file to her birth mom and she liked us. We couldn’t wait to see her.

The case worker told us she was a 9 month old with brown hair and hazel eyes. I was so excited about her that I told them if she is meant to be mine I want her right now!! CPS, of course, moves a lot slower than I thought they should. We didn’t get her to our home until she was 10 months. A month might not seem like a long time to you but it was forever to me.

My Case manager wanted me to get to know Kadee before they made the move to our home. So me and Brian took a trip to where Kadee was staying and met her for the first time. She was such a beautiful baby. I fell right in love with her.

The foster parents that she was staying with said that she was stranger shy but she came right to me. They were surprised. I wasn’t! I knew the moment I saw her that she would be mine. I knew that with all three of my kids when I saw them, but after dealing with the scare of already loosing one I began to doubt.

Shortly after we met her “a kind of relative” decided they wanted Kadee. They were related to Kadee’s biological sister but were not related to Kadee. Knowing how judges usually work I was afraid to take her. I didn’t want to have to go through loosing another baby. I didn’t know what to do.

I had Brian give me a blessing and still didn’t know for sure what to do. I wanted her so bad. We had already gone and visited her several more times after the first time we met her. In my heart I think I knew that she was mine, but Satan kept feeding me with those stupid doubts!

Brian was more willing to take the chance. He said we could loose any one of our kids, at any time, not just her. You never know what is going to happen. He asked me if I was going to just roll over and play dead. That should have been enough to convince me!

The Case manager called me to find out what we decided. I was still confused. My mom had come over and we were in my room talking when she called. Brian had been looking through a genealogy book, that his Grandma had given him, and left it lying on the bed.

As I was talking to the Case Manager asking more unnecessary questions to try and help me decide I picked it up without even thinking about it and started to thumb through it. I came upon a picture of Brian’s great great great (I don’t know how many greats!) aunt when she was a baby. My mouth dropped open! I grabbed Kadee’s picture and showed it to my mom and handed her the genealogy book to compare. They were a spitting image of each other. My mom’s mouth dropped open as well and she mouthed the words “She’s yours!!” It was all I could do not to break down on the phone and make myself look like a fool. I had all the conformation I needed. I told the Case Manager that we would take her and a few days later she was here. The family that was trying to get her backed off. CPS never heard from them again. I think they gave up!

Kadee had a hard time adjusting. She had been moved from home to home to home before she got here and I think it really made her mad!! Every time we went anywhere she would flip out. I think she was afraid of being left again. She would over eat until she barfed. It was so hard for me to see.

I stupidly thought that somehow she would just know that this is where she belonged. I have had to prove that to her over and over. Today Kadee is doing great! She has come a long way. I know it has been real hard for her though.

She is such a beautiful little girl and so dang smart! I’m so lucky to have her as my daughter. I just hope I can be who she needs me to be for her.


Braden’s story:

I always knew that I was supposed to adopt. I’m not sure why I knew that but I did. I remember being a little girl and imagining the day that I would see my baby.

We didn’t look into adoption until we knew that I wouldn’t be giving birth to anymore babies. I felt in my heart that we weren’t done so that was the push we need to go forward with it. I prayed so hard to know for sure so that my own feelings wouldn’t get in the way. That’s when I had a dream that was so powerful I couldn’t let it go.

In my dream CPS asked me if I wanted to see my baby. I was so excited and said yes. They took me to a room and handed me a baby with sandy brown hair. I felt his spirit so strong. When I woke up I knew there was a boy waiting for us to find him. This is one of the reasons we decided to adopt again after Kadee. Sometimes at night when I was pondering, my arms would ache to hold him. I couldn’t let it go. I knew we had to find him.

So we decided that we would take the next baby CPS called us with. We got a call shortly after for a baby boy. I was excited but didn’t quite feel right. A few hours later CPS called to say they found a relative to take him. About a week later they called again with another baby. I knew he was the one even though he would be just foster. I couldn’t wait to see him.

He didn’t get to our home until 12 midnight. When I saw him I felt the impression so strong that he is meant to be ours, which I was so thankful for later because we had no idea what we were in for. CPS’s main goal is to reunify with birth parents or birth family. So right away they started visits with his biological father. I hated it. I wanted to do what was right and not let my selfish desires get in the way so I prayed often.

About a month after we got him he started visits with his birth mother as well. At times I felt strong and could handle it and knew that this is what we had to do to get things where we needed them to be. At others I would fall to my knees praying that he wouldn’t have a visit that day. On those days I felt as if my heart would break. Every time I felt this Heavenly Father would bless me and the visit would be cancelled for some reason or other. I knew I was being blessed but doubt began to seep in. Most of the time, it didn’t look good for us to be able to keep him.

We had a meeting with the biological parents. It was weird meeting them for the first time. I wanted to hate them but I felt drawn to Braden’s birth mom. His birth father didn’t like us at all and told us he didn’t want us there.
His birth mom had a different opinion and told us that she was glad we were there. I really liked her. I couldn’t judge her after that. I felt Heavenly Fathers love for her. I wished that she could have her baby back but not my baby! I couldn’t imagine my life without Braden and didn’t want to. At the same time I wanted to do everything I could to help her.

Sometime after that I found out that CPS wanted to start unsupervised visits. I knew that this wouldn’t be good for Braden. His biological father had done some very bad things that he needed to work through and shouldn’t ever be around children unsupervised. I couldn’t believe that Braden’s case worker would believe that this was in his best interest. When I questioned her why, she said that Braden’s birth father had the right to prove that he could parent this child. I told her not at Braden’s expense. I was so afraid for him. I begged her not to do it but she wouldn’t budge in her decision.

After I got off the phone with her I fell on the couch and cried. I felt like all hope was lost. How could this happen? How could we keep him safe?
That’s when I finally remember who could help me. I fell to my knees and began to pray and beg my Heavenly Father not let this happen. I told Him that I wanted to do His will but I didn’t think my heart could take an unsupervised visit! I knew I would just die if they went to overnighters, which would be the next step. I wanted to do everything I could to keep Braden safe!

Brian and I decided to fast on Thursday of that week. The unsupervised visit was scheduled for Friday. I just happened to have a hair appointment on the Thursday we were fasting. At my appointment I told my hair dresser that I was a foster mom and needed an easy hairdo. He said: really I know someone who works very closely with foster kids. When I asked who, he told me that it was the CASA supervisor. I couldn’t believe my luck. I had been trying to get in touch with him. My hair dresser pulled out his phone and called him. I explained to him what was going on. He was very surprised and as soon as I walked in the door after getting my hair done he had called me back.

We talked for about an hour as I gave him all the details. He told me that he didn’t know that there was a need, in this case, to have a CASA. So after his CASA case worker quit another wasn’t assigned. He said that we did a have a Guardian ad Litem (GAL) assigned to Braden “which is an Attorney at Law” appointed for the child. The CASA walked the information down to him Wednesday night. Thursday morning he got the information and started investigating. After reviewing all the information, he kept getting, he was going too call for an emergency hearing.
CPS decided to call off the unsupervised visit! I was so thankful! The visit went from a 4 hour unsupervised to a 45 min. supervised visit. My baby was kept safe. My prayers were answered.

Shortly after this Braden’s Biological Mother called me and asked me if we would adopted him. She wanted time to think about everything and said she would call me a couple of days later. When I got off the phone I ran and grabbed Brian and told him what she had said. We were so excited we all ran and grabbed Braden for a big hug. All of us were fighting over who got to hug him next!

When his biological mother called me back she told me she had a dream that she saw Braden when he was older and he was with us! She knew she had made the right decision in behalf of him. I’m so thankful she cared enough about him to keep him safe. I believe that is why she made the choice she did.

When Braden’s biological mom said good bye my heart was breaking for her. At the same time I was so relieved that he would be staying with us. I wish I could have taken away her pain. She loved him so much that she made the best choice she could for him. Every time I look at the picture of her holding him, in her arms, on thier last visit together it brings tears to my eyes. I will always hold a special place in my heart for her!


Logan’s Story:

I kept getting the feeling that we weren’t finished with foster care. I couldn’t let it go for some reason. I wanted to be finished with it and just focus on my own family. I started getting the feeling that someone was missing. I was still certified to adopt. We weren’t taking placements but I was still getting calls. It’s a hard thing to let go when you know that your home is so much better than where most of these kids come from. I still to this day want to help them. Whenever I hear about a child that has been mistreated or needs a home I wish I could find a way to help them.

My feelings became so strong that I asked Brian to give me a blessing. I wanted to do what the Lord wanted me to do and I was afraid my own feelings would get in the way. In the blessing it said that there would come a time when every member of our family would know what the right decision was. At the time I thought that was kind of a weird thing to say, but later I understood.

I was holding my sisters new baby boy Thanksgiving weekend and felt that if I got a call, to take a baby that I would. As soon as I got home there were two calls waiting for me about some babies that needed homes. They wanted me to take the one that had the most medical problems. I felt that I shouldn’t take him because he needed too much care and I didn’t want it to take away from my own family. Braden was only 18 months old at the time. I was thankful I felt that way later because I wouldn’t have gotten Logan. I would have had the baby who needed so much more care who ended up going home to his birth family shortly after.

A friend of my sister who also knew me because we were both foster parents called her about a baby she had in care that needed a home. As soon as I heard about him I think I knew he was mine. Six was such a big number to me at the time. I wasn’t sure if I could do it. I had such mixed emotions and like I said Braden was only 18 months and a very active boy.

CPS kept calling different families trying to find Logan a home and they all said no for one reason or other. They all kept telling them to call me. One friend told me that she held him, fed, and changed his diaper. She knew that he didn’t belong to her so told them no. I couldn’t believe it. Usually they don’t have such a hard time finding a home for a baby!

Right before Logan was two weeks old I got a call from the same case worker that helped with Kadee’s case. She asked if I was still certified. After I told her that I was she told me about Logan. I knew it was the same baby that my sister told me about. I knew he must be meant to be mine but now I had to convince my husband. He wasn’t sure so we decided to pray about it.

When Brian and I talked about what his answer was I was surprised to find out that his answer was the same words that had come to my mind when I prayed. “Is it to much for me to ask of you, to take care of one of My children?”

After that I couldn’t wait to get him here. What a sweet baby he was. I fell in love with him! He was such a good baby. I slept with him on the couch for weeks after we got him because he was so sick. He ran a temp. for about a month and still had little tremors from the drug withdrawal that he went through. We did so many tests and never found out what was really wrong with him. I think maybe it might have been the drug exposure. Today he is a healthy normal fun loving boy with the biggest smile around.